Life is amazing. In ways large and small it reveals truth to us. Just by walking around a different corner one day on your morning walk you can discover something that you never knew existed before. So it is also with writing. For the past few months my posts have been dwindling. So have the extraordinary feelings and emotions that I get from writing daily. I was thinking about it this morning, wondering why I don't feel so bright and polished lately. When was the last time that I felt amazing? As the blocks rolled on beneith my feet the answer slowly reveiled itself to me. The last week that I felt amazing was the last week that I had written daily.
What? Why? Clearly more walking and thinking were needed to figure this phonomon out. Actually nothing came until I came home and pulled out a notebook that Ken gave me for my birthday and started doing what the notebook was intended for, writing down my thoughts. As the paper filled up so did my heart. Not that I think that I'm brillient or special. It is exactly the opposite. I am an ordinary man who when he lets go can see the extraordinary in life. The more I let go, the closer I feel to God and the closer I feel to God the easier it is to express myself, to create to sculpt a life in words. Some of these will be read by only myself and others shared, but all of them extraordinary in the way a leaf or a blade of grass is extraordinary. They are one individual expression of the divine.
I remember this feeling well. Years ago I started painting. No training to start off with, just the belief that maybe I could create something beautiful. I did! I found that the medium came easily and effortlessly to me. I painted for my friends freely giving away what had come thru my hands into being. The more I painted the more creative I became. I found that I could create digital works of art and sculpt. The big dream for me though was always to tell stories. To write. I never did, though until the cancer diagnosis. Perhaps it was the fear that even though I believed at one level I would survive it, there was a dark beliefe just below the level of conscienceness that maybe I was running out of time and better start telling those stories before it was too late. I believe that the truth is that when I am creating I feel closer to God and the only time I feel extaordinary is when I am close to God, so it make sense that I need to create. Maybe because these are my God given talents and to not use them would be to waste my life. I also believe that to truly waste your life is to never feel connected to God, to never experience something truly bigger than yourself or your own life. I spent years in the dark being small and I know that I don't want to revisit that path. So once again I am writing.
Several religions belive that having a disiplined practice is important to stay connected to God, more than ever this makes sense to me. Writing has been my practice this past year, when consistant, I feel amazing, and when not writing, I feel dull and lifeless. I believe that I am not alone in this. I suspect that Athletes, Artists, and anyone living out their highest self feels this. It is when we try to listen to others truths that do not work for us or to swim upstream in a river that was not intended for us to swim that we drown our own spirit.
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