Cancer: A Love Story

That's an odd title, none the less it is the title of my story. Through this journey I have learned to love myself, but that is not what I am writing about today. Today, the love that I am talking about is my love for my partner, Ken. Prior to my diagnosis I used to question our relationship...a lot! Could we make it? Would we make it? We argue and bicker so often. I make him crazy, then he makes me crazy. If it's not the finances, it's the way I put the dishes into the dishwasher. In thinking about it now, it sounds a awful lot like marriage. During my ordeal with cancer, those things revealed themselves to be petty. In fact I came to understand my doubts about our relationship were completely unfounded. Ken in short has been a rock.

While I was dealing with the physical aspects of the disease he was busy arming himself with education to ensure us both a long life. He has studied nutrition, psychology and God only knows what else about cancer to make sure that I am here and so is he. Early on, prior to my surgery, there was a day that I came to trust in us. I had always trusted God and myself. I knew that I would beat cancer, but this was the day that I knew I wouldn't have to do it alone. I've written about it before, so I apologise if I am repeating myself. I was at UCLA Medical Center oncology division of the dental center. I was told that I needed to have four teeth removed to protect me in the future. Being rather vain, that is the last thing I wanted. I even remember writing on Facebook that I pity the fool that wants to pull my teeth. At listing to the reasoning Ken pleaded with me to listen to the dentist and have the procedure done. At first I was shocked and felt betrayed. How could he act like this when he knew how important it was to me to keep my teeth? I listened as he broke it all down into bitchy cliff notes. "If you don't", he said, "and your teeth become infected, they can't pull them because you won't have sufficient blood supply in your jaw. Then infection sets in and the only thing left to do will be remove it and replace it using a bone from your leg! Is that what you want"? It felt like I was 5 and being yelled at. I caved. I gave in to logic. I got mad and blurted out "Fine, pull them". I was told that I may have to come back. I informed the dentist that if he wanted the teeth, he would need to do it now, I wouldn't be coming back! And that is what happened. I walked into the lobby, my jaw still numb from the procedure, holding bloody gauze in my mouth to see Ken slumped in the corner of the lobby with his head down. When I approached him, he raised his head and I saw the tears for the first time since I had been diagnosed. "Thank you for doing all of this to stay with me" The words were simple and quite. But they were powerful!
I understood in an instant that he had believed in us all along. He yelled about the way I put dishes into the dishwasher because he wanted us to have clean dishes. He wanted there to be an us and some of my beliefs in self healing were terrifying to him in terms of our future. Maybe I could heal myself, but he wanted to make sure I was healed what ever it took! For us. Because he saw a future for us. So bring on the chemo and radiation. Get the cancer out of my body! I became far more compliant that day, and in his own way so did he. To this day he is receiving acupuncture for his insomnia and I'm happy to say it is working. We are both learning how it give in to each others beliefs.

While my cancer was being removed, there was another battle occurring in our state. The battle for same sex marriage. I never really planned on being married. I did feel that if someone wanted it they should have the legal right, to it, however. But now, I am bothered by the ruling, not because I want to be married so badly, but when I look at Ken, I see this amazing man, who has not been just a great mate, but a care taker. If there was ever someone in this world who deserved a marriage proposal it is him. And yes, we could move to a state that has made it legal, but is that really the point? And yes, we are Registered Domestic Partners but it's not the same. We have a certificate from the state that sounds like we have gone into a housekeeping business together. He has been a model husband and even if he turns me down, I want him to have the right of me asking for his legal hand in marriage. I have never been much of an activist, but surviving cancer certainly changes things. One thing is certain to me, no matter what the law says love will endure.