While discussing diet, I am frequently reminded by my partner Ken that statistically I am at a greater risk of repeat cancer and need to eat correctly. I hate statistics and sometimes I just want a donut. But like it or not I am tasked with never forgetting my personal past with cancer. Every day I continue to feel better. I am exercising more and feel strong enough to return to work, and yet I am warned by my doctor that I am still anemic from the radiation and should just let things progress in their own time. I listen to him and in the back of my mind think, I'm gonna do what I want to anyway. Of course Ken was at that appointment and ALWAYS has something to say about it. So I am not returning to work. I am trying to stay busy at home.
Did I ever mention that I hate housework? Well I do. It wasn't until I was at my dad's spotless house that my own home even felt dirty. OK in the grand scheme of things I wouldn't qualify for some reality show on dirty homes, but after seeing near perfection, I have to admit that I was a little jealous. So now I vacuum more, scrub the bathroom more and appreciate my clean home more. I also see more and more dust and dust bunnies under things that I would have never noticed before. It's like my mind is taking out all of it's frustration with my situation on the house. Loose cords bother me, spider webs bother me and suddenly there is just not enough hours in the day to tackle it all. The bottom line here is that I need to go back to work or I might crack up and become OCD, that or open my own maid service.
Maybe I just need to find a distraction, yet I am reminded not to get too distracted. Don't forget to eat correctly and take my vitamins. In some ways it is like being 14 all over again (except for the cleaning). I feel like it is time to move forward but am being held back by the tether that is or rather was my cancer. And no I don't want a repeat performance, but it would be nice to feel like I could kick up my heals now and again. I guess the bottom line is this: everything in moderation. That seems to work in every situation and hopefully it will work in mine. Now while Ken is not home I have a some rugs to vacuum and a donut with my name on it to eat.
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