Rainy Days and Radiation

Yet another rainy weekend here in "sunny" California. I had planned on laying low yesterday, until I was handed the honey do list. This meant that I had to be up and ready to get some things around the house done. The problem was that somewhere in my mind or in my body I didn't really want to. I woke up at exactly 10:20 am. Even for a Sunday that is really sleeping in for me. I sent Ken a text and started feeding animals while waiting for his response, which came some 20 minutes later: "You'd better get busy then!" "I know" I wrote back, but for some reason couldn't manage to get myself started. I just seemed sapped! I had no energy or desire to have energy. It was then that I began to worry. Am I having side effects of the treatments? I worried about that for several hours. How would I know the difference if I were tired from radiation or tired from sleeping too much? I could argue that my body needed the sleep but the reality is that when the dogs woke me up around three am I took another melatonin. I've done it before and only slept until 7:30. I had slept for over 13 hours. What was wrong with me?

I was taking a nap on the couch when Ken got home from work. He didn't say anything but it was clear that he was not happy by my lack of attention to the list. He went to start dinner while I snoozed and then woke me up to inform me that I could go and dish mine up. I did and started to eat but after a few bites realized that it wasn't setting well. I let him know, making him even more unhappy than before. I was informed that I could have a "green drink" or finish my dinner but I had to eat something. Fine, I'll have a green drink. I figured it would sort of pay it forward and I would wake up feeling fine today. After one final blow out over the dogs wanting to get up in the middle of the night, Ken stormed off to sleep in the guest room.

I was awakened at 7:05 and told to get up, which I did. I fed our pets and promptly hit the sofa to watch a chick flick, I'm still here on the sofa (in my defense I took a break to start laundry) obsessing whether or not I am suffering side effects. The answer came to be just before beginning today's post. Yes and No. I am sick of the rain! How much rain do we need to have? After 13 years in Long Beach, I have never seen it rain like this. I want the sun to come out! I was starting to feel so much better and then back to back started chemo/radiation and it started getting gloomy and finally started to rain yesterday. I am not suffering any side effects of radiation. I am not achy, my stomach isn't bothering me (I ate a quesadillia for lunch yesterday). And as for the lack of motivation, this is nothing new. My favorite thing to do when it rains is lay around and read. I wasn't an in-house over achiever prior to my illness so there is no reason to expect that I will become one after it. And yes I know that Ken would like me to do everything around here because he is the only bread winner right new. I understand how he is feeling. I also know that his tough act with me is meant to push me. He doesn't want to loose me, so seeing me weak isn't something he wants to see.  He will get his wish. I will spend some time prior to radiation today cleaning.

The odd thing about my radiation schedule is that it feels like a Monday through Friday job. Life goes on all around us. We get caught up in it and then we are faced with getting in our cars, driving (in my case to a shuttle location), being shuttled and waiting around for 3 hours all for 1/2 hour of treatment. It is at best an inconvenience! I was feeling so good too! I started to do Qigong! (an Chinese exercise to tai chi). Now I have this daily trip I have to make. No wonder, I'm feeling drained. I know that I have hit a bump in the road on my journey. I have been through this before. I also have an amazing group of survivors around me to give me advice so that I don't get stuck in the brambles for too long. And yes, I can honesty answer that given the option to feel good or lay around and whine I would rather feel good. Because of that simple answer, I know what I need to do. Get off my butt, get cleaned up and get on with LIFE! It is true: Rainy days and radiation can get you down. But only if you let them!