Time heals all wounds

That is what they say isn't it. Funny that they never mention how much time. One one side of the coin I know that it has only been five weeks since my surgery. One the other side of the coin, I don't care. I have a life to live! I need to vacuum (note that I didn't say that I want to vacuum, I doubt if anyone in their right mind wants to vacuum). Actually I can vacuum, but instead of the 5 minutes it normally takes to vacuum my living room, it now takes 15 to 20 minutes which just won't do. I want the incision on my neck to soften and look like a crease (I'm not thrilled about the crease, but will be happier with that then the canyon that is there now). In short I want me back!

I want the swelling in my tongue to go down so I can talk without sounding like my mouth is full of mashed potatoes. I want the skin graft on my leg to turn from red, sunburned looking to a normal color. I want my wrist to not look like a prosthesis from a Rob Zombie movie. AND I WANT IT NOW! The funny thing is that in spite of a lack of energy, my healing going slow (only by my standards, my doctors continue to be blown away, to which I can only reply "That's nice"), Ken being forced to care for me (I really think though, he doesn't mind. He has never been kinder or more patient. If we were to switch places, I am not sure that I would be the force of nature that he has been). I really feel full of life. It is brimming over and wanting to get out and go play. I know it.

You need to be patient, Ran. I know that. I think that for the most part the frustration is coming from the radiation and chemotherapy that lie ahead. We have come up with a game plan to handle it. Acupuncture, aloe vera juice and pulp (to handle both external and internal burns). Vitamins, supplements, proper nutrition, and light exercise. I couldn't be any more ready that I am from a planning standpoint. But from an emotional standpoint, I may as well be back on day one. I know logically, it makes no sense to fear this treatment and I am not even sure if what I am feeling is fear. I don't like the idea that the radiation will slow down my healing (that is where our plan come in). I do, however, like that it is supposed to help shrink the tongue flap so perhaps the replacement flap will shrink down to normal size and I can talk normally. To further add to my impatience, is that my doctor has ordered physical therapy and speech therapy (at my insistence) but I have not heard from either department to set up an appointment. And I want them! I want to vacuum in 5 minutes. I want to be able to lift over 50 lbs and I want to be able to talk clearly about it when I'm through doing it.

Yes, there is a lesson in this. I know that I need to be more patient, but I can't help but wonder that if by pushing bit by bit, I can heal myself faster. Of course then I'll be back at work, doing what I normally do. I won't have the time that I do now to write, blog, research and reflect. Maybe there is something to this patience stuff. And just maybe the time needed to heal my wounds will reveal itself to me when it is ready or to be more honest when I'm ready! If I were ready, I'd already be healed. Got it!