The most fortunate among us in the fight against cancer are blessed with care takers. I am among that group. My life partner has been by my side since day one. In spite of overwhelming emotions and fear, he usually appears to be a rock. Of course now that I am on the backside of surgeries and treatments and can state that I am cancer free, he finally is able to relax. Of course, true to form he isn't relaxing. He marches forward, continuing to read books on health and cancer. I watch and wonder if this is typical of caretakers. Is there a "post care" depression or confusion that they experience?
Yesterday in my writing seminar there was a delightful mother of a 24 year old, who had stage four cancer, but thru alternative medicine his tumors were shrinking. Upon the day that he is pronounced cancer free will she be able to separate herself from caretaker and resume the roll of mother? Will Ken eventually resume the roll of my partner and not feel the need to manage my well being? Will my parents and in-laws see me as healthy and relax back into their retirements and once again enjoy life without the treat of disease disturbing the family? Will my friends ever stop telling me that I'm brave and start picking on me again?
I had never thought about all of this before. Of course I had never had a reason to. Are there support groups for transitioning caretakers to help them resume their normal roles in our lives? And with cancer can it ever be normal? There of course are two major milestones. 18 months and 5 years. 18 months cancer free you are on the right track, at 5 years you are pronounced cancer free, the statistics start to change in your favor. Yet does it ever really leave your mind? I actually had a radiology nurse tell me that with as much radiation as I was receiving, it would most likely lead to cancer in the future. No cancer patient needs to hear this during their treatments. And what do you do with that into? As we all try to purge negative thoughts, how do you purge that information? For the time being I am reminding myself that that is only his truth. It is not mine.My daily mantra is that I am cancer free. I am in perfect health. But what of our caretakers? What is their daily mantra? Can the care that I show for Ken now release him from fear of what the future might hold? Only time will tell. Right now is the present. Today is a gift. And even when my caretaker is in a bad mood I have to remind myself that I am so unbelievable fortunate to have him. Moods will pass like the wind, but the love will stay steady.
Laugh if you want, but this is my story.From the cancer diagnosis till the end of mom's radiation, I gained 15 pounds. I'm a "stress eater" so the fact thatit was only 15 pounds was surprising. I was healthy during the entire time, but in the past 3 weeks my body has begun to fall apart. My doctor told me that I held in all my stress during that time and now that I'm "relaxed" it's coming out.
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