A Step back

Anytime you are healing it is important to remember that there will be days when you seem to leap ahead and days whee you may take a step back. This can be both physical and mental. When you take the step back you have to remember that you weren't 100% every day even at your healthiest. That all being said it is hard to step back. Your mind starts to wonder into the mine field of "what did I do?" Unless you have been working at clearing out the negative thoughts from your mind, that is no place to wonder around, because it is almost guaranteed that you will step on a mine. I know this from experience!

Today's told me that I was lazy and had lost my ambition. OK, I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Does that make me lazy? Maybe. But the reality is that just a week ago I was sleeping some 14 plus hours a day and then last week jumped down to only 8. Maybe my body needs a little more rest. The most important thing is to make it OK. I'm not going to beat myself up. I've had an entire lifetime to do that, I don't think I really need to keep doing it. If I've learned anything from having cancer it is that I need to be forgiving with myself. I'm not always going to be at 100%. 

The other thing is I'm on leave of absence. If I were on vacation it would be completely acceptable to stay in bed all day if I wanted to, so why not now? That doesn't negate that I realize that I have a whole house to clean and tons of filing to be done. The truth is that is it Monday. I worked on the house on the weekend. I can choose to get back to it tomorrow.

One thing I am finding by being kinder to myself these days, that even a step back can be a step in the right direction. It's like being at a museum and looking at a painting. Sometimes to really see it you have to step back. And if that logic doesn't work remember that Ginger Rogers lived her whole life going backwards and in high heels no less. Let up on yourself!