Stuck

There is the most beautiful tree in our front yard. We have never figured out what it is, but we love it. In early May this tree decks itself out in a robe of pink and purple flowers that can be seen from blocks away. Of course the blooms don't last long and stick to the grass in the yard creating a mess that has to be blown into the gutter several times a week. The blooms are then followed by seed pods which are just as messy and harder to blow so they require raking. Then just when if seems like you should be done, the leaves start falling out along with several twigs that get dislodged during our famous Santa Anna winds. Nature never takes grooming into consideration. Things fall where they may to be reclaimed and used by the ground below, or become food for insects. Trees never think, I shouldn't drop those leaves there it will make a mess.

I sit at my window lately trying to learn this trees lesson. Nature is beautiful both in expected and unexpected ways. I'm sure who ever planted that tree did so because of the beautiful blooms and the fact that the tree would grow to shade the entire front of the house, which it does quite nicely. Did they regret their decision when the tree started to drop it's blooms? Did they complain when the seed pods started to fall? I opened my front drapes yesterday and marveled at the tree's beauty. I wondered what would happen if I didn't blow out the front and allowed my lawn to become a symphony of pink petals. For a moment is seemed beautiful, until I thought eventually I'd have to clean the mess up. It seems easier to keep up with it that let it go.

Disease and healing is much like this tree. There is so much beauty in our bodies capability to heal.. There is a certain beauty in science and the ability of our doctors. When I explain my cancer to people and tell them about having half of my tongue removed and replaced by a flap of skin from my arm the most common reaction is one of amazement! "It is amazing what they can do these days." is the most common thing I hear. That is very true. I have heard about several people who have had cancer of the tongue and just had a portion of their tongue removed with no prosthetic to take up the space in the mouth. I think alot about that these days, because I have been so frustrated with my progress. While on a number of levels I am almost back to normal, I am frustrated with my tongue flap (as the prosthetic is called). It is still swollen and though it has reduced in size quite a bit, it still feels like it is taking over my mouth. My speech is still slurred. I grow weary of having to repeat myself. Still, I have to wait to jump into speech therapy until the bridge is put in.

In the mean time, I feel stuck. I look out my window and ponder the beauty of nature. It can be messy but my home would not be the same without the beautiful tree in front. I know that there is a lesson there for me.