Battle Scars

People hide from cancer for different reasons. One of the best that I have ever heard is a friend of my was fired because of her diagnosis and continues to keep it a secret. I can't blame her and if I were in her position would do exactly the same thing. That being said it infuriates me that she has to do that. That anyone would have to do that! I am fortunate to work for a great company that has been very supportive so my job is waiting for me (and the truth is I am just counting the days until I can get back to being a providing member of my household!) All that being said, The people that I have met on this journey who are not afraid to show their battle scars are the ones that I have learned the most from. Perhaps because my cancer is oral and my scars are pretty much front and center, for me to hid them requires wearing a scarf (not so bad in the cold, but in the heat? get real!) and long sleeves to hide my skin graft (same comment). I have been wearing regular tee's that cover my trachea scar, but really prefer to wear v-necks and by summer will be back in them.

We all hide for different reasons, but the thing that I have learned personally on my journey is that it was when I didn't hide that: I found answers. I found friends. I found love. I found peace. Just the simple act of speaking the truth has opened doors in both directions. My relationship with my sisters while not perfect has never been better. My relationship with Ken has never been better. The people who showed up to reveal that they had run this race before me and would be with me the entire distance have continued to astound me with their wit and wisdom. So no, I guess that even given the chance I would not choose to hide the fact that I have/had cancer (They removed the tumor and I'm almost done with radiation, so I am now assuming that the little bastards that had spread are pretty much cooked by now). My life is richer and better on every level. I also have not desire to hide the fact that I had cancer after all of this is over. I'm not saying that I am going to spend all of my free time volunteering for the cancer foundation. What I am saying is that I am going to be open and honest and put myself out there. Someone at some point in time will need to hear what I have gone thru and I can give them strength for the journey that they are on.

Most importantly, as I have said a number of times, I am not going to die of cancer! This "bump in the road" may have slowed me down long enough for me to get back on the right road, but it has not, will not kill my will to live. I now have plans for the future that I didn't before. I am no longer afraid of the future as I was before. I no longer question my relationship like I did before. And for me that is the beginning ingredients for success! So why would I want to hide my battle scars? Each one of them is a reminder of the day that I finally allowed myself to listen to God! I will show them with pride, knowing that along the way, I learned to love and be loved and most importantly for me that I learned to listen.