The voice inside of your head

“Intuition is the supra-logic that cuts out all the routine processes of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer.”...Robert Graves

We with cancer all know pain. It exists on so many levels. It is when we are suffering sever pain though that it is hard to listen to our intuition for guidance. Yesterday I was talking with one of the members of my shuttle who seems to be having a hard time of it. First of all she informed me that she had terminal lung cancer and that she was so nauseous that she was unable to eat. You could see that pain in her eyes. As I had just gone through some pretty sever pain myself and found a way to manage it, I really wanted to see if I could help her. I asked if she had talked to her doctor. "yes", she replied, "but the medication wasn't working". "Have you asked your doctor about THC (the ingredient in pot)?" I asked. "No! I don't know how to go about asking for those things" She answered. The conversation really got to me. What is it about doctors that a woman in her 70's doesn't know how or what to ask for? Why are the doctors not listening? The first thing out of I don't know how many friends mouths to me was "Now you can get a prescription for medical marijuana"  How could this poor, tired and very sick lady not know? As we talked further she said she would love to get a prescription for pot but was afraid to ask her doctor. "Just ask!" I replied.

It seems so easy for me, but two days prior, I was in intense pain from the mouth sores. I couldn't figure out what to do. My face was swollen, I felt like crap and the only thing I had to look forward to was more pain. I had no absolutely no appetite. In one particularly fearful moment I remembered the statistics that more cancer patients die of malnutrition than of the cancer. I was not about to become a statistic! I had already lost two pounds in a few days, I wasn't going to let this get to me. I got online and just kept searching. Looking for something that made sense. Finally I found something that I already knew. Rinse your mouth with baking soda and salt). I was on it. The baking soda broke down the thick mucous that was covering my mouth. It seemed to allow my salivary glands to do their job. Next, as I was still in pain, I made a trip to target and bought a generic version of Chloraseptic. It cleans and numbs the pain. It gave me the window I needed to get in some broth. I did it again and got in some green juice. I just kept at it until I was full. Finally last night I was craving red meat so I ate (yes ate) a hamburger patty.

If we allow ourselves to be trapped in our pain than that is all that there is. One thing I can say is pain will really keep you in the moment! We must transcend the pain and get to where our mind can help heal us, though. It may be easier said than done. I am looking forward to being on the bus today. I want to talk to my new friend. Even if it is only to hold her hand and give her some comfort for a bit. I bought a copy of Love, Medicine and Miracles by Dr. Bernie Segal for her. I will be glad when it is delivered. When I was thinking why I was so much more taken by her than anyone else on the bus it came down to this. She represented herself as being terminal. Perhaps she believes that and plans on going from this treatment into her hospice to die, but I don't believe it. Maybe it is my crazy family that taught me this, but 70 is really too young to die. We should really have some more life in us at that point. I hope that I can give her hope. It is possible that she doesn't want it, though and I have to be prepared for that as well. I look around. I read and study about cancer every day. People die from the disease every day. I just don't believe that we have to. If you ask me why I'll tell you this, "The voice inside of my head told me so".