Today we had a blackout at our house which got me thinking. One of the first things I noticed is how quite it is. Really, is my house this noisy just from electricity running thru the wires and of course things like the refrigerator that are always on. The quite was relaxing, but not having electricity was getting in the way of my plans. Laundry would have to wait, juicing would have to wait, using the vacuum would have to wait. Before I could get mad I realized I really wasn't looking forward to any of that anyway. Just necessary chores that could be rescheduled. It didn't really matter (well in part because I had spoken with the city workers and knew it would be out until around 3pm. Knowing that there is a time limit on any disability makes it much easier to bare).
It started making me think about "A Course in Miracles". A Course in Miracles, is a self-study spiritual thought system that teaches the way to Universal Love through Forgiveness. I didn't do so well in the course though. It starts off with an exercise about things not meaning anything. In fact the first exercise, if I recall correctly is The Chair doesn't mean anything. That was where I got stumped by A Course in Miracles. However the chair that I was focusing on I really liked. A LOT. What can this mean. I love this chair! Perhaps in hindsight I should have taken the course in group form and not attempted the home school version that I clearly wasn't ready for. In a course, group fashion, I would not have been attached to the ugly metal chairs that I would have been forced to sit on and would have been able to see that the chair doesn't mean anything. Now 20 years later I have not achieved universal love through forgiveness. I should have planned better. The funny thing is that now that we have furniture that we both really love (so special in fact that certain pieces have names. Our sofa is Norma, her mate of a chair is Max. We also have the Frankenstein chair and the cat pee chair) and in spite of loving these pieces so much today somehow, I can see that they don't mean anything. Maybe I should order a new copy of the course. Maybe I'm ready. Maybe I have already achieved universal love thru forgiveness (probably not, but now that I think about it I don't feel that I have anything to forgive. The flip side to this is that I should check with my friends and family and see if I need to ask for forgiveness for something I may have done, or most likely some slip of the tongue).
When we examine our lives it is amazing the stuff we find. It has been on my mind that I need to start clearing away the physical clutter of my life to support being more clear of mind (one of the suggestions for people with ADD). Of course I need to start with my garage! packed with all sorts of stuff! A ton of art supplies and boxes upon boxes of books. Kenny loves to blame me for the condition that our garage is in and I used to think that he was so stupid, that half of that stuff was his. I started cleaning the garage a few months back for his birthday and found that almost everything out there is mine. Or as I like to think of it; "ours" at least in the legal sense. One of the other ways I know that I have not achieved perfect enlightenment, is that occasionally, I have an idea of how to milk the situation. I want the clear up the clutter. I have radiation coming up. Maybe I can get Ken to "help" me. The last time I suggested this he shouted that he would just throw everything thing out. Hey, if nothing means anything, maybe that isn't such a bad idea. Provided that I get out of the way.
Yes I know, that I should be making plans to handle all of this on my own and never "milk" Ken. How else will I achieve perfect health and true enlightenment? Maybe Ken will and I can gain the wisdom vicariously. No, that won't work. This is my life, my wisdom. I have to be the one to do the work, but right now all I can think is that it doesn't really matter....
No comments:
Post a Comment