Man am I bored!

How many times have we said that in our lives? Much of the time when we are saying it or thinking it, though, it would be so much easier to get up and go for a walk or find something to do to occupy our time. Boredom, it seems, has become a national pass time. Symptoms include channel surfing, avoiding cleaning (fill in the blank), not answering the phone when it rings (oh, they'll just bore me). etc. Combine this with our limited attention span (Somewhere proof exists that the average America's attention span is akin to that of a flea!) We bore easily because we have moved on and need more stimulation or input. I remember a friend of mine whining because the networks were still focused on 9/11 4 weeks after the towers had come down. "Really?" he said. "Didn't we have a high speed car chase or anything. I'm so sick of this".  That was a defining moment to me. A. I probably needed deeper friends, and B. I was just as shallow.

Well, years have passed and here I am. This morning I was about to do some research when it hit me. Man, am I bored with cancer. I'm bored with reading about it, talking about it, writing about it, researching treatments. Cancer, cancer, cancer! I'm done! Being one of millions of Americans with ADD, typically at this point, I would put the books away, clear the cookies from my computer, and move on. Find something else shiny to occupy my time. One problem though. I still have cancer. Man this sucks! I still have to drink raw juices (Thanks for the juicer, Dad, it is amazing!) take care of myself, exercise. Keep my mind active. Write about it daily and worst of all prep for and then go thru chemotherapy and radiation.

Funny little thing about the Chemo and radiation. Upon my diagnosis, I secretly decided to go thru the surgery, get the cancer removed and then take care of the aftermath using only natural cures. I finally admitted this to my partner Ken, who showing no emotion, said, "Lets see the Radiologist and here what they have to say". What? Ken is fascinated with nutrition and wholistic. I have been forced to sit thru countless episodes of Dr. Oz and other "fascinating" shows on the miracles of nutrition. What is this sudden lack of emotion? I also, tested the waters with my In-Laws and saw the concern in their eyes. I finally came to the conclusion, that ultimately this may be my health and my decision, however, there are other people with vested interests in my well being and I owed it to them to hear them out. I decided to call a family conference to discuss the matter with Ken and his parents and my Dad and Doris (The coolest step mom on the planet) Finally, detecting something was wrong with Ken, I pushed him. "OK, so out with it. I need to hear what your thinking!" "I think that if your going to do that then you shouldn't have bothered with the operation. You need to finish this!" Wow, OK, not exactly what I was expecting. But at least I now knew where he stood. I also reached out to some of my pals who have been on this journey much longer than I to see what they had to say.

I didn't sleep that night. For one thing, this was right after I has come home and still had the trech and feeding tube. I was forced to sleep on my back which is next to impossible for side sleeper me. Combine being uncomfortable with all that was going on in my mind and I had a recipe for a long night. I listened to my stubborn self saying come on we can do this! I thought about what was motivating Ken. I knew Steve and Ruthie (my In-Laws) both have scientific backgrounds so I knew that they would want me to take the western medical route. Ken had already brought my revelation up to Doris, who basically said I was crazy so I knew where she stood. I just wasn't sure where my Dad would stand. Finally, it hit me. Statistically (and yes, I hate statistics, but I really needed something) I stood a better chance of survival if I had the treatments that were being proposed. Was having my way important right now, especially if it meant I would be alive to get my own way countless times in the future? What if (and at this point I was only saying what if) I had chemo and radiation, but used wholistics and all of the information that I could find to reduce symptoms and speed up healing time? That could work! Ken squirmed around in bed and I could tell he was having a difficult time sleeping as well. Then it hit me. He must really be afraid. More than anyone in the world, he is the one who really wants to see me in remission! You have to do this! OK, mind was made up. I informed both him and my doctor the next day (I had already brought up my plan with my doctor, who wasn't overly pleased but promised to support me although it would mean a lot more follow up!) Ken did seem relieved and somehow renewed. His part in my healing has become more and more clear over the past couple of weeks as he has been reading all of the dry nutrition books that would put me to sleep in a second.

So here I am. Taking very good care of myself. Trying to do a little more each day in terms of exercise, taking care of the house and expanding my mind. GOD I'm bored! I hate to keep saying it, but I want something shiny and new. Of course, I'm sure all of our men and women serving our country would like to have something shiny and new too! If they can do it, I can do it. I am glad that they are there defending us and ultimately defending my right to be bored!