Moderation

The mind is amazing and still something of a mystery. Always at work to some end, and yet, I wonder while writing this, to what end. I don't know how I got here. It has been years since I have felt this way, But right now, I am truly content! I'm not even sure what I'm writing about today. Just sitting here on the bed, with the dogs and laptop, I have so little to say. Amazing how in a few weeks I have gone from newly diagnosed, to healing and right now in this moment, fully content.

What brought me here? Was it the erotic dream I had this morning. Spending time with one of my best friends? Just being about to get around on my own? Who knows. On thing is certain thought, this too will pass. Soon I'll find myself dealing with doctors, dentists, radiologists and everyone else that a cancer patient has to deal with. In this moment however, I don't care about any of that. I don't care about the cancer. This is nice! So whether my clever mind arranged this in order to deal with stress, or I'm just having a great day makes no difference to me at all.

So what does make a difference? I like knowing that I am working to direct my own healing. For me it breaks down into only 3 components. Body, Mind and Spirit. Heal each of the 3 and you heal yourself. It can get overwhelming from time to time, and there will be mistakes made along the way (lattes while on a liquid diet for example.) The body standpoint is the most confusing to me right now. There is just so much information out there you don't really know where to turn. Just like dieting, there are just as many philosophies when it comes to health, especially the health of a cancer patient as there are diet books on amazon.com. I have started to turn to cancer survivors to filter the information thru. I figured they already figured out something that would work for them and perhaps it would give me just a boost. My friend Laura gave me probably some of the best advice  that I have had to date. MODERATION! She was telling me about people who went on with their lives and stayed in remission, while others who had become overly positive or had gone off the deep end in terms of healthy nutrition, ran daily didn't stay in remission and became very bitter and confused.

That spoke to me! I can be compulsive. I like to win. I am determined to beat this. My new juicer should arrive tomorrow, and we spent big on fruit and veggies today so that I could remove it from the box and begin juicing right away. I have read so much on raw diets, juicing, detoxing and have geared up to become healthier than ever before. Laura's words were so powerful to me because how many times had I done something like this? The year I bought a sewing machine and made 75 custom Christmas stockings for friends, only to have a sewing machine take up room in my closet for the years that followed. I love projects. I've started thousands some finished and some not. This is not a project that I can afford not to finish however. When I think about it I hate the idea of depriving myself. I love Mexican food. OK, Ran, you can have it in Moderation. That doesn't sound too bad.

There is more to healing. It affects not just the body, but mind and spirit as well. Working up a game plan of things that I would like to try and feel that I may be able to stick with is work. I don't believe that I am alone in this. I have read amazing stories of healing that surprised doctors to the point that they were called miracles. I have also read stories of people who's death shocked the doctors because by all rights they should be alive. I believe in God. I do not however, believe that God gave me cancer. I believe that God gave me free will and with that will I can cure the cancer. It is ultimately up to me. Questioning my doctors is part of that. Taking to survivors is part of that. Kenny reading books on nutrition to help me figure out the next step and my overall plan is part of that. But, as Laura, suggested, in moderation. In the mean time I have a life to live and live it I will!