The Gift

I remember a conversation with my dad many years ago. It went something like this: "Wow this year has flown by. It seems like it was just January yesterday." I exclaimed during one of my our phone calls. "Wait until you're my age, time keeps speeding up and speeding up. Just part of getting older" Dad informed me. That conversation plays over and over in my mind, because, in part, it was one of the first times I really began to understand just how smart the man who fathered me really was and more importantly it had a certain ring of truth to it. As it turned out that conversation was spot on. Twenty years have passed since that talk and his words have become more and more true to me over the years. Time has in fact sped up the older I've gotten! Suddenly I'm in my late 40's. And as  time has sped up, something else has happened. Joy had diminished.

I loved my 30's and facing my 40's wasn't a big deal to me. As it turned out, however, my life took many twists and turns in my 40's that weren't so pleasant. Job losses, losses of friends and worst yet an odd loss of direction. Was I burnt out? How could this be? All the while time kept racing ahead at a pace that didn't allow me a second to stop and figure the whole thing out. It is remarkable to me that I have made it to this point with in an amazing relationship. OK, so our life has gotten somewhat boring with 1500 channels to watch yet another sitcom on, but hey, he's still here. I must have done something right.

Then came the cancer. Like a decorated package your world is torn apart, remnants strewn about the floor. And then you find the gift inside! Time slows to a crawl! I cannot believe that just 3 weeks ago I had surgery to remove the tumor. It feels like months! Oh and the sweet moments to savor. Having Ken read his input on my blog to update my readers and hearing his voice crack and seeing his eyes tear up. The love I felt in that quite, painful moment almost made the entire journey worth it. Neither Ken or I are huge romantics. In spite of the fact that I cry during commercials, I rarely cry when it is affecting me personally. The both of us have occupied ourselves by being strong for one another. How odd it seems now. He had to be tough so that I can stay positive and move into remission. I have to stay tough so that he can get by day to day, go to work, be my primary caretaker and have some peace of mind along the way.

There is an old saying that today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. How true! I remember Just getting home and having my dog fall asleep on my lap. I sat and watched him for an hour. Such peace.The beauty that you see along the way. Just simple blades of grass blowing in the wind seem to take on meaning. Just sitting quietly on the couch with Ken and the dogs is bliss, not boring. I have discovered the depth of love that I have for so many others as well. My In-Laws, Ruthie and Steve and in fact the entire Davis clan. My friends from work. How I miss the laughter but know this will pass and I will be back with them all too soon. The anticipation that I am currently feeling knowing that my girlfriend Carolyn's plane from Rome will be touching down today and how much I can't wait to hug her and catch up with her. The love delivered via text and facebook is priceless. Each moment of the day is somehow manageable, memorable, and magical.

I know there will be a day in my future, months or a year from now, when the universe has re-set my clock, but until then all I can say is thanks for such a remarkable gift, It's exactly what I wanted.